It's 2012!

It's the last day of 2011.

This year, went by so damn fast. Oh my gosh. Is it just me? D: well, anyways, the same ol' same ol'. 2011 was filled with tears, fights, hugs, make ups, laughter, joy, craziness, love, hurt. Everything, you name it. (: But, I'm a stronger person and a better one because of it, i'd like to believe.

what made it different from the rest?

1. I got to travel europe to end the year. I've been to Rome, Almafi Coast, Florence, Spent christmas in Venice and ending the year in Paris with my wonderful family. (: Even though i had to be away from my friends for this 3 weeks holiday, I'm glad i got to spend this christmas and new years with my family.

2. I started college, met new friends, finally started performing on stage more frequently.

3. I met a certain someone, who has made my life more interesting. (: I've had my share of heartaches, and now, i've finally met someone who i can truly trust and believe is not going to hurt me. He makes my life more colorful, and even though the journey of getting to where we are now has been bumpy, with the chase to the cries to the laughter and the joys, we finally got here. and there's nothing i would trade to have changed this experience.

New year resolutions?

1. TO LOSE WEIGHT. (:

2. To start my youtube career. Haha, and i mean that by being more active on youtube, start uploading more frequently.

3. To score 4 A*s for my upcoming A-levels.

4. To get into a good university (:

5. To make my family proud!

Wish for 2012?

For my family and friends to be healthy, be free from physical and mental pain and sufferings, be happy, excel in their studies, prosper in their businesses. (:

Well, happy new year's everyone. <3

May 2012 be filled with all kinds of surprises and joys! (;

This always happens.

Why am i always the one putting in the effort? Why? maybe i'm being over-sensitive, but still, aren't you supposed to be different? I'm trying to make this work, yet, you dont even seem like you care. And, idk. gosh. Wtv. maybe i'm just sentenced to bad love forever. -.-

great.

For the first time in a long time

I feel like even when i'm around you,

i miss you so much.

and i don't know why.

I want this feeling to last.

Cause i know you're good for me,

at least better than the last few.

I know you'll make me the happiest girl,

but i still can't bring myself to letting you in completely,

and i hate myself for that.

Maybe in time.

But for now,

I miss you.

kiss me slowly.

There are two type of guys in this world.

One that will walk away when you start having problems and

One that will stay and fight for what you two stand for no matter what you say.

After all, we're only human.

Gosh, I miss you.

I dont know why I always do this to myself. I know that If i went to check out how you were doing on fb, i'd start to remember how close we used to be, how close we were in making things work.

But, to you, I made things up. Things weren't supposed to turn out this way. You were supposed to come back, and we were supposed to go for picnics, watch movies, hang out and just spend time with each other.

I hate not knowing how well things could've went.

But, i guess, everything happens for a reason.

My friends told me that you've moved on, and they were so afraid of telling me, god knows why. But, I guess, i've accepted it. We all have to, eventually. I just want you to find a girl, that you can truly love and stop messing around with their hearts. We're human being, and as much as we deny it sometimes, we're fragile that way. We break, easily, especially girls.

Family always comes first.

Well well, hello there (: It's been awhile!

Holidays are ending in just 2 days. GAH. time flies so quickly these few months. ): I hate it! I just need to slow the time down a lil.

I just got back from Bangkok today afternoon. And, OHMYGOD.

The bad thing about bangkok?

The food there are delicious.

The bad thing about going to bangkok with my family?

they love eating and will never stop even after a full meal. :/ We literally had like 5 meals each day. IT'S CRAZY.

How much weight have I gained in just 4 days?

Probably around 5kg. -.-

What did I do there?

Eat, sleep, eat, sleep, eat sleep, eat, eat..I think you get the idea.

What was the trip for?

It was simply just for shopping, eating and chilling (; It was a really good vacation I needed ever so badly after trials. GAH. my AS is coming in just a month and guess what? I COULDN'T CARE LESS. well, no surprise there :P

What did you buy?

Around 15 pieces of clothings. (: The clothes there are SO CHEAP, i couldn't say no! Haha.

What was the best restaurant?

It has to be the german beer brewer place. OMG. BEST PORK KNUCKLE EVERRR. Like, im not kidding. it was seriously, HANDS DOWN, the best one I've ever tasted. And trust me, I've had my fair share of 'em. Btw, i know what you're thinking, German food in thailand? All i gotta say, my family cool that way :P

What else did I do there?

Oh, basically we travelled to most parts of bangkok namely Chong Nonsi, Sala Daeng, and others lah. the only reason I remember the names are because we took the train mostly! It's pretty expensive. It'd be cheaper to travel by cab but the traffic in Bangkok is SOOOO bad. :/ Worst than it is in KL. there were loads of small shops by the side, and they sell really cheap things! HEEHEE.

Best experience?

Definitely would have to be the dinner of the cruise. (: Yes, I've never had them before in KL (Star cruise isn't counted) we went to the jetty and took a boat to the restaurant and that's when we boarded the boat. It was a really peaceful 3 hours dinner. We got to check out the bangkok night scenery. It was beautiful, with all the lights and everything. All that was running through my mind was parents trap! you know? that show, where the kids set their parents up on the cruise. Damn, i want that. :P It'd be so beautiful if a guy booked the whole cruise just for us and then we'd have candle light dinners and bla bla bla. Well, after about an hour, my bro and I got real bored so we resorted to making a boomerang out of toothpicks. We were at that for probably half an hour. Haha, we're easily entertained. sad thing was, it was raining, so we couldnt have dinner on the upper deck! But, my bro and I went up to check it out! IT WAS SOOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL. My night would have been 10 times better, not saying that it wasn't good. But, i guess, it could've been better. The food, i'd say was not very good, cause it was that lunch that we had the DELICIOUS PORK KNUCKLE (: So, comparatively, that dinner was...nothing.

How was the trip overall?

It was an enjoyable trip. though, time flew by really quickly. I guess it may also be because we woke up only around 11! Whattt? It was meant to be a relaxing holiday. Im really happy i got to have this trip with my family. My family has really bonded ever since we moved into the new condo. And im really happy we have (:

Is that all about your trip?

Hmm, I guess so. Oh, what was so funny was that everytime we'd get in a cab, my dad would talk to the cab driver in teh chew hoping he'd reply in the same language. We concluded that 1 out of 3 would know the language. (:

So, yeah. Sorry about the Q&A format. :P It's actually much easier when I ask a question and answer it! If i missed out anything, I'll definitely be updating about it soon!

On a lighter note, my social life is back on track (;

And If you were wondering, yes, i was quite a mess the pass month! but, NOT ANYMORE!

just hold on.

Getting back on track, only to find you throwing me off it again.

Seeing you with her today, I really don't know. It's funny how I banged my head against the wall so hard so I wouldn't feel any pain. I know, it was so long ago that we were together. But, still, it'd different, actually saying you're over someone and acting it out. Well, whatever it is, as long as you're happy, I will be.

Wake me up, when september ends (:

Goodbye August,

Hello September (:

Yes, it's a new month! And it's going to be a good one, I believe. Haha, Time really does pass so quickly. It was just yesterday that I graduated from my high school. AHH. I don't wanna grow old ):

Anyways, I was bored. So, i kinda made a collage of myself. HEE :D

Your guardian angel

It feels as though we're all falling apart. I don't feel like I can count on you guys like i used to. And, i'd just be lying to myself saying that we're doing great. I miss the ol' times. I miss calling you guys in the middle of the night, not needing to think about what we were going to talk about. that was what I'd call a real true friendship. Truth is, i miss you guys. And honestly, we were the last few people i'd expected to turn out this way. Every other have taken the initiative to keep in touch and still continue being friends. whereas us, we've fallen apart. I'm really hoping things will change. I pray to God things do. I need our friendship to stay forever.

I can't believe you talked to me for the first time today (:

beautiful soul (:

Well, this blog's been dead for about a month now. Thought I'd revive it a little (:

HELLO AGAIN!

well, trials are FINALLY over. Im so god damn happy, you have no idea!! It's like a new found freedom for me! and I'm getting my LASEK done tmrw. which means, i wont be wearing no specs no more. Funny how 20 minutes can change your life (:

On another note, idk. what happens when the person you're interested in is related to one of your exs. Kinda screwed up, no? But, he's just too damn perfect for me. I see the way he smiles at me (: And im sure he notices my idiotic smile when he walks in the room too. Ah, god damn it. Why is my love life always so screwed up?

Time to go with the flow...AGAIN.

Just call me beautiful. (:

She read me the note he left on her bed

Snuck in her room right after she left

And put petals on the ground

Her head on his shoulder they walk down the hall

I'm left to wonder will I ever fall in love

And where is he now

She's with him, I'm in the back seat

Know it's not right but it hurts when they're laughing

And I've never been where they are

I wanna be blown away

I wanna be swept off my feet

I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe

I wanna be lost in love

I wanna be your dream come true

I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you

Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful

Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Friday night she wore his jersey to the game

In the front row screamin out his name

As he turns to her and smiles

Every where I look people holding hands

When am I gonna get my chance at love

My chance at love

My heart is waiting for your love

My hand is waiting for your touch

My lips just wanna be kissed by you

I wanna be blown away

I wanna be swept off my feet

I wanna meet the one who makes it hard for me to breathe

I wanna be lost in love

I wanna be your dream come true

I wanna be scared of how strong I feel for you

Just call me beautiful, Call me beautiful

Call me beautiful, Call me b-e-a-utiful

Idk

I need something or someone to spice up my life. cause honestly, right now, It feels like I have nothing to live for anymore. I have to admit that I feed on drama. I need bitch fights, relationship problem, SOMETHING to keep me going. I really feel like I have no goal in my life no more. What am i living for?

I don't know.

Top 10!

What's Talent For (WTF) competition that was organized by HELP was yesterday, and I'm sad to say that I did not win. ): But, it's okay. Hee, i was in it for the experience anyways. And, the fact that a high school "friend" of mine was a judge didn't make things any better. Gah, whatever.

I think I did pretty well for someone who has no training what so ever (: I mean, people actually stood up and gave me a standing ovation, that's gotta mean something, no? HEE.

I love the feeling when I'm performing, when all eyes are on you, and you just get the chance to mesmerize the crowd. it's amazing, the feeling. But I guess, the songs that I picked wasn't the best.

What are words - Chris Medina

Medley of Fireworks and Perfect - Katy Perry and Pink

It was a great experience though (: No complaints! And, i don't regret taking part. i mean, being picked as the top 10 finalist over 60 other contestants feels good enough for me. I'm glad I got the chance to perform. Even so, I think i've learnt my lesson of practicing the song for more than once before I go for a performance.

I found you.

Ohmygod.

i swear, i hate that you have a girlfriend.

Why couldn't I have met you earlier?

You're...everything that I look for in a guy, and

YOU'RE TAKEN.

-.-

I wish she would just disappear.

Brick by boring brick.

So, all that's been playing on my playlist these past few days..

Sleepless Nights

Tongue Tied

Give Him Up

Second Chance

When I'm With you

They're all by Faber Drive. (: I think I finally found my favorite band. :D

Anyways,

I GOT INTO THE TOP 10 FINALIST FOR THE What's Talent For Competition held by HELP college. (: The finale's this friday. Gosh, so soon! HAHA, but, it's okay. College has really been a way for me to share my music with others. And, Im really happy it's finally happening. Haha, even if it's something small, I mean, we all gotta build things up for scratch, no?

I'll just have to slowly work my way up there. (: So, basically, I've got the talent competition this friday, and Next saturday, I'll be performing for a charity concert held by my college. (: They invited my friend and I to perform, how shhweeeetttt. It's gonna be my first time ever performing with a band!

IM SO EXCITED (:

Mum : So, what do you get if you win first place?

Me : Erm, RM 500.

Mum : Second?

Me : ....Nothing.

Mum : Then, why do you still want to go?

Me : Cause I'm aiming for nothing less than number 1 (;

Sleepless Nights.

Put yourself in her position

All she needs is recognition

Love's not enough when you say it

Don't you know you've gotta mean it

Screwing up the best thing ever

Is something you'll regret forever

nothing last forever.

You know what still hurts?

knowing that I'm living a lie when I tell everyone that you don't matter to me anymore. Truth is, I tell myself that, in hope that maybe one day I'll get over what we used to have. I never told you this but, ever since that night we met each other, I've never stopped liking you. But, you'll never know that. I don't know why it is that I run to other guys then back to you, everytime. I don't know why it is that when the night ends, I just want you to be on the other side of the computer or phone waiting for me to be doing the same. I only need simple things in life to satisfy me. I just need the truth. My friends have told me numerous time to just let you go. But, they know, it's not that simple. Nope. It's hard. really hard. But, I can, i know it. In time i will move on, and our memories will be nothing but a blurry picture left in my head. but in the mean time, how i wish I could press a button on my head and erase off all the memories.

Worst part, all our plans.. I guess, it was all just dreams and plans, that are going to waste, again. Funny how we did so well in the beginning, and when you're finally here again, we're just fighting all the time. I don't even remember the last time we were happily talking to each other anymore. You know, the only reason why I asked you if you felt the same, cause you always make me feel used. and you dont even realize that. I don't want to know that i'm just like every other girl you talk to. No. Who does? I know I make you feel used sometimes too, even so, I always try my best to do things to tell you you're different. But you don't believe me, do you? You never did. you always think that just because I have so many guy friends that you're just like anyone of them. Ish, haven't I made it clear enough for you? Gosh, if this is what you want. after a whole 7 months of waiting for this moment to arrive with everything just going the total opposite as planned.

then, fine.

This is my show.

" He made you fall for him

Kept you hanging,

And then left,

Please realize that. "

It's advice like this that really makes me feel like I have true friends that really do care. (: It's amazing, you know? This feeling.

As much as I want to deny it,

The truth does hurt.

It stabs you in the heart and for days, that pain just won't go away. But, sooner or later, it will. so, just hang in there. (:

Idk why, but it seems like, for the past few guys who I've put myself into always did EXACTLY THAT. they call, text, act as though they feel the same, then ONE DAY, they stop, slowly, you'll know that it's all over.

Why are all guys like this? I guess, i need to change my frequency. :/

I just want to meet a guy who'll treat me right. (:

That's all.

Suprisingly,

it doesn't hurt anymore. (:

I'm over it.

you're not sorry.

So, what happens when we all stop caring?

Rock bottom.

Nice girls finish last,

that's why I'll treat you like trash.

It's not what I really wanna do,

But,

you only date bad girls so,

I'll give it my best try,

to treat you the way you want me to.

This one's for you and me.

Some just don't know how to change.

Just so you know, I've stopped caring. (: But, dont get me wrong , Ill always care for you as a friend, but, I promised myself that I ain't going to stoop so low for a guy anymore. Yes, true, i wanted you, really bad. But, now that I've cleared my head, It seems like everything's better.

I've given you chance after chance and you, just, disappointed me over and over again.

" If he wants you, he'll find his ways. "

Let me just listen to my friends, this once. (: If you really do want to see me, I know you'll find your way. So, I'm not going to worry.

Sometimes, i get really so damn frustrated talking to you.

Now, i see it clear.

Well, SEMESTER 2 JUST BEGINNED.
and, i need a holiday already. :/

Hee. Oh well, I'm so tired all the time in class and all I do is fall asleep cause my brain just can't absorb anymore. LALALA, whatevs. Ill catch up, soon.

I'm pretty proud of my Sem 1 results actually, 4 As (; Not bad, eh? Im especially proud of Econs. I'm really new to it, but somehow still managed to get 84! WOOTS.

On a lighter note, i'm thinking of running away for a holiday after my trials next months. I honestly CAN'T WAIT. (: I'm thinking of somewhere nearby, with no absolute care in the world for the time being and it'll just be the few of us. Sounds wonderful. :D

I dont know what happened, But i've been rather happy today. I guess my friend really knocked some sense into when she said

" The best revenge you'll ever get is to be happy "

I figured, there's no point worrying, life's too short. (: So, I've been smiling, all day. And, i feel so much lighter now. Gosh, no more emo-ness. This feels good.

And, I'm currently 2nd place in my online talent quest! I sure do hope I can get enough votes by tmrw. BY TMRW. :/ EEEK. i need like 300 more. DAMN. im wishing for a miracle. HAHA. But,

Nothing's impossible :D

I've been really missing high school these past few days. Weird, probably cause I've been scrolling through my pictures. Gosh, I miss high jump, sports day, sitting on the very-dirty-floor of the classroom talking so loud that people at the other end of the room could hear us too, I miss being able to see my silly friends for 9 hours everyday, miss the teachers, miss the easier syllabus, basketball, handball, my teammates. I miss everything and everyone that made my 5 years of high school such a memorable one.

Every good thing has to come to an end.

I hate that saying. really do. :/

I'm on the edge with you (:

My wish.

Figured I let pictures do the talking today.

yeah.

I really do.

I deserve to be happy. So, that's what I am going to do.

The last chapter.

Yeah. I feel like crying.

So how come when I reach out my fingers,

It feels like more than distance between us?

***

It's a quarter after one,

I'm all alone,

and I need you now.

***

I can't take this anymore. Why'd you have to tell me you love me? I really don't think I can handle this anymore. I've honestly never felt so helpless before. I've never cared so much before. i've never had the urge to cry for a guy before, till now. Why did you have to come back in my life? Why did it have to be you?

I've really given up fighting with you. I don't have the strength to, not anymore.

You know, how much I've been hurt before, and I really don't wanna reach pit bottom and have to slowly stand up again. it's not the easiest thing.

I just want you to be happy and to find someone who can make you feel as much as I do for you.

(:

You were right, you don't deserve this.

you deserve better.

I love you.

Archiepedia.

I just got back from my ballet concert awhile ago. (: and, damn, I'm really happy!

So, what happens when you add

Archie + Wikipedia?

you get,

ARCHIEPEDIA :D

Basically, the story was revolving around ARCHIES. (: yes, that comic! So, everything that was used as a part of the storyline was started in 1969. how cool huh? There was, romeo and juliet, sesame street, scooby doo, adams family, woodstock and many more.

right now, my limbs are all hurting. Cause, i had 4 dances ( including a fun dance! ) and a singing performance. It was really REALLY tiring, running up and down getting changed. :/ But, definitely worth it.

oh yes, there was this part of the concert where my teacher pulled me out and made me do

" THE JOEY. "

yeap. she named it after me -.- HAHAH, it's a move that I do when I don't really wanna listen to her in class. That was hell funny! :D

So, yeah, that's it! a really fun night indeed!

I missed you, that's all.

Listen.

How did we get here?

You won't even talk to me now. I know I've hurt you. But, haven't you ever thought that by talking to me about how you want to find the one hurts me too? You know? Here I was thinking that we were having a thing. it's the small little details that you let on to make me believe that we're just friends. Okay, so, if we're just friends, why does it matter?

please, explain to me. You can't say that I'm cheating on you, if we're not even together. If we're just friends, why does it matter that you're just another one of the five guys i talk to? Why does it matter ? I really REALLY don't understand.

And, you're not listening to me. You just say what you want to say. I dont have any comebacks to why I dated the other guys. Am i supposed to have reasons? All i know, we were nothing more than friends. I think that I have the right to go out with other guys, no? you see, what's the difference between you and i? I play with my heart, Yes, when i go out with a guy, I start thinking about possibilities of getting together. So what? Don't all girls do that? If i didn't play with my heart, do you actually think we would have came this far?

And do you even know what's the difference between LIKING someone and LOVING someone? I haven't even said I love you to a boy since my first boyfriend. I haven't used such a strong word with anyone after him. Not once did I ever use it with my flings. But, somehow, I said it to you, doesn't that tell you something?

I know, right now, all that's running in your mind is anger. But, settle down, listen to my side of the story too. I waited for you. I definitely did. If i didn't, I wouldn't even give a fucking damn about our skype calls. I wouldn't even fucking bother about telling you exactly why I care about you. I wouldn't even fucking care about you.

I could have gotten together with anyone I wanted in these past few months, you know why i didnt? Because I knew you'd be back in July, ask my friends if you don't believe me. They know, cause everytime they'd ask me why I won't let things go far, I'd tell them this exact reason. I just want to believe that maybe, just maybe, we'll grow to become more than friends.

You want the truth? You're the only one that I always run back to in the end. Maybe I made you feel like you were always my Plan B. That's cause I always thought that you were doing the same. You're in a whole other different country as I am, and I can't control what you do. but, I just hope that at the end of the day, you do come back to me. That's all I wanted.

I admit, i did play with a lot of other guy's feelings. But, did I with yours? Please, enlighten me. Have I ever hurt you before this? I've always apologized the second I knew I did something wrong when it came to you. I know you're fragile after everything that had happened with her. I tried my best to cater to you. I wanted to be the one who make you happy. I wanted to be the one to cheer you up when you needed me to. I wanted you to be able to trust me.

I know you don't believe me anymore. But, you are really the guy that I want to be with. and you telling me that we're just friends is just crap. We're not just friends, and you know that. You wouldn't care about this if you thought we were just friends. But, why won't you admit it?

You're not the only one who's hurting.

Jar of hearts.

I know I can't take one more step towards you

'Cause all that's waiting is regret.

And who do you think you are?

Runnin' 'round leaving scars

Collecting your jar of hearts

And tearing love apart

You're gonna catch a cold

From the ice inside your soul

So don't come back for me

Who do you think you are?

Story to be told.

So, today's probably the worst day ever.

I could hardly swallow food down. I honestly never felt this useless in my whole life before. I banged the merc, and I looked so terrible that my mum turned out to be comforting me instead of me apologizing a million times until she accepted it. Funny huh? Well, I feel horrible because I could have avoided this happening, but I didn't. I chose to take the merc out eventhough we could have taken my friend's car. Gosh.

This is my fault.

So yeah. Im ready to take any consequences that comes. I deserve it. I'm so sorry.

Anyways, it's 12 and im feeling like sharing my story for whoever that wants to read about it. So, here goes ... everything.

I remembered the last time I really loved someone, It was just last year. I really loved him, God knows why. I can still remember the time when we first met each other and how his face lit up instantly seeing it was me. I still remember when he first commented on my video on the 1st of October, never expecting that we would have gone as far as we did then. We started out as total strangers, but music really made us connect in such an amazing way. Slowly, we got to know each other, and being my usual me, I put everything into it. I remembered how i would stay up till 3 just waiting for him to finish his game so we could talk. Thing about me, when i want someone enough, Im willing to sacrifice almost anything, sleep included. I guess you could say it's my kryptonite. Eventually, I reach the stage where I just put my all into it and that's when I'm most vulnerable. He could just say that he's sorry for not replying me and my mind goes into overwork thinking that he could have been texting someone else, or on the phone with another girl. Jealousy hits. And, what do I do? I say

" It's fine. "

Yes, i choose not to confront because I know that if I do, they would think I'm a total control freak and that would cause them to push me away. But being as crazy as I was for him, I wanted him to stay. So, I let him take advantage of me. He could go on for days without any contact with me whatsoever and when he finally do, all i say is that

" I miss you. "

Not even asking for a single answer. Just so he'll think that I'm different. Honestly, I'm not a girl that needs your 100% attention all the time, But it would be nice if I could at least receive a simple text saying goodnight once in a while. I don't expect a lot.

Well, that's beside the point, after just 10 days, he texted me and told me that he missed me when he was in school. And for that moment, I could feel what girls pray years to feel for a guy. I fell in love with a complete stranger. He really made me believe that maybe guys are not complete jerks. So, after a month or so, our conversations had turned from " I wish you were here beside me right now so i can hold you so tight and never let go " to " miss you. " It was so clear that everything was starting to fall apart. So, i finally built the courage and told him that our conversations were just getting so predictable. He agreed and that was when our " breather " started. This happened 3 months down the road. All our late night calls dissapeared. When a text came in, i'd jump for my phone to see if it was him. In the end, we just let things go. Everything slowly fell into how things were before that night, that October 1st night. Then, one day I got a text asking me how was my exam going. I didn't answer his question that night. i asked,

" Did you mean it? When you said that we'll make things work again after our exams? "

all he had to say was.

" I meant it when I said it. "

Yeap, he sure did. We never even tried after exams. He lived his life and I lived mine. We went our separate paths.

Strangers, Again.

I don't know why it is that this was the ONE relationship in my 17 years of life then that made the most impact on me. After him, All i remember was texting, calling, skyping to at least 5 guys every night. I'd go out with different guys all the time. Not giving a damn about slowing down or catching up. I completely lost my faith in guys . I even reached a point where my best friends just gave up on keeping track and told me to tell them when I stop playing the field. I still remember my godbrother telling me this,

" Take love as a game and you'll never lose. "

And that's exactly what I did, until now, until I met you.

Our story's not exactly the simplest one to be told. But, it's definitely a story worth telling in time. I want so bad to make this work, but I'm not sure if I have the strength in me to hold on. I've been hurt so many times before. And, I don't want to play with fire. I just want somebody to love. I want to be able to dream about how our next date will go. I want to be able to dream about you shaking my father's hands. I want to be able to believe that I won't get my heart broken this time around. I want to be able to call you and know that if you're on the line with someone else, you'd tell them to call you back later. I want to feel like you love me too and not just tell me that you do. It's not an obligation, it's a feeling, a feeling that you want to care for someone else, and it's not a need. And the problem is that I don't even know what's my stand with you. Maybe our definition of love is completely different.

I literally feel my stomach flip when i hear the Skype message tone hoping it's you. I check my phone 5 times in a minute just to see if you talked to me. I'm crazy for you. When you talk to me, I really do feel like you're talking to just me, and not using it as a line. I believe that you really do care about me. I just need to know that you won't hurt me as bad as all the others have.

Half of my heart.

Science and Faith.

You won't find faith or hope down a telescope,
You won't find heart and soul in the stars,
You can break everything down to chemicals,
But you can't explain a love like ours.

JPA interview is in an hour. Oh, fml. -.- Sunway Lagoon tmrw, Ching's bday party on Sunday. OMG. WHY DO I GOTTA HAVE SO MANY FREAKING THINGS PLANNED?! i just want to stay home, rot, and spend time with my family. URGH. -.-

You think that i'm still here,
you see me,
you feel me,
but I'm gone.

I need.

Bored.

Just thought this was so funny yet Totally TRUE (:

<3

For the first time.

i remember the first time we met, it was on new year's eve, and i saw you when i first arrived, but you were so far away, so i never went up to say hi until you did, by the barbeque pit. I was pretty suprised you recognized me actually. Well, the rest of the night was pretty much just us sitting on the bench by the poolside , talking, laughing and you pinching my cheeks. -.- A night to remember, definitely.

Well, we've come a long way since then, haven't we? (:

You always make my day. (:

OH YES, im strrrronng :D

The three muskeeters :D

Yeah, spank that ass! AHHAHA ( it was an accident, or was it? ) :P

AH, my eyes are soo bwig here :D

My darling eunice!

The sakais that made my sunday night such an awesome one! :D

TDC family (:

Cousin's bday party.

Well, I hope the pictures did some talking about what I've been up to. Well, this doens't exactly sum much up, but, i guess, it's a little (: Haha! SUNDAY NIGHT WAS OFF THE HOOK! ahha, idk, it turned out to be awesome eventhough some of us were practically strangers. I got to meet new friends. And, ahha, damn! did we have a laugh that night! I even fell down when we were at the playground camwhoring, YES, we did :D Basically, the party was to celebrate EUNICE DARLING'S STRAIGHTA-NESS! HAHA, the food was so goood!

Music Club 2nd AGM was todday. AHH, such a bad turn out. BUT, BUT, good thing is that it was small and i got to communicate with most of the people there and they got to know the BOD too, personally, which is a very big first step! I want the club to be like family, as i've mentioned before. (:

****

life's real unfair sometimes. Last time, it was like we were 12 and all we wanted to do was go out with the guy we like, but we couldn't, cause we can't drive. Now that we're 18 and we CAN drive, the guy that we want to go out with is half way across the country. so, it's not like we can freaking fly a plane now, can we? -.-

time to change.

Well, it's a Sunday, and guess what i've been doing since i woke up at 12 just now? :D

NOTHING.

Yes, i've done nothing productive, what so ever. I feel like a useless piece of crap. -.- AH EFF. FML. i've got a party later tonight, and even so, I'M SO LAZY TO EVEN GO OUT. wtf is wrong with me?! :/ Idk, yesterday was an emotional night for me. I have no idea what was going through my mind. but, yeah, I just had to spit it all out. oh god. But, i guess, it wasn't so bad. I went out to watch Just go with it with kwans yesterday. (: it was so good to see her after so long! (and by that, i mean, like a week? :P) HAHA, we got to catch up and talk about every sort of crap that we could think of. Gosh, i miss high school so much. I miss ACMJEQ. (:

ACMJEQ

Hoes over bros.

(But, somehow that doesn't really work. Time to change our catch phrase! :D )

My ballet exam was yesterday morning. And, i mean, I think it was okay. I hope i pass, oh god. I really hoope i do, i so dont wanna resit for the exam again next year! EEEK! But, since 50% of the marks goes under musicality and performance, I'm hoping that'll pull up my marks. HOPING. (: Well, yes, i need some fairydust now.

Hmm, my parents just left for Zurich yesterday. ): I miss them already. Sundays were supposed to be noisy and a whole bunch of arguing whether we should go out for dinner, but they're halfway across the country to do that with me. I had dumpling for lunch today cause my uncle was so kind to brinng food over for the family. (:

Idk, sometimes, i feel like I'm alone in this world, sometimes. It's like, the older you get, the more independant you become. I hardly ask for permission when i wanna go out, i just lock myself up in my room and blast the music so i pretend i cant hear my parents when they call me, i always refuse to do things for my family, I'd jump at the opportunity to stay out late with my friends. Ah, screw it. I hate this. I hate who I've been. and, i want to change.

I NEED TO CHANGE.

What im feeling.

You see, sometimes, we just need to believe for it to come true (:

I believe in you.

You have no idea how much I'm craving for a Java Chip right now :/

and you're my reason (:

I'm so sick of lying awake at night wishing you were beside me.

23-3-2011 (:

HEE, today made history (:

WELL, I got my SPM results just now, at 11a.m and...

I GOT 9 A+!!

WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~!!

Yay meee! :P suprisingly, im one of the top 5 scorers in WMS for 2010. (: Oh woahh! WHO KNEW MAN :P Im HAPPPYY. BUT, sad thing is...

I got a freaking B+ FOR STUPID EST. I mean, i sorta expected it, but, damn, when you actually see 9 A+s and suddenly a B pops out at the end of the cert. Everything just becomes..screwed up, you know? URGH! Nvm, I mean, i got 10 As anyways. :D

I'm really happy with what i've achieved! WOOHOO! (: after all the NOT paying attention in class and the HARDLY doing any of my hw other than addmath, COPYING my friends work, IT'S SAFE TO SAY,

my "HARDWORK" really paid offf :P

Oh, i got interviewed for the Astro Tutor thing just now too. OH GOD, my answers were..EPIC! AHHA! oh yeah, i had to do it in BM, mind you. AFTER a whole 4 months of thinking i'll never EVER have to use BM again. -.-

" Apakah nasihat yang anda nak beri kepada para-para adik untuk mencapai keputusan cemerlang untuk sejarah?
" ERMM. Oh, anda boleh belajar membuat mindmap dan guna BANYAK WARNA YANG CANTIK. guna STABILO PEN (: *thumbs up* Stabilo pen sangat bagus! "

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA. WTF! THEY LAUGHED LIKE CRAP WHEN I SAID THAT :P

***

" So, apa yang anda ingin memberitahu para pelajar yang bakal menduduki PMR dan SPM tahun ini?
" Good luck dan......................*Punches fist to the air* MALAYSIA BOLEH! (:

yes. I'm that lame. I actually REALLY did say that! Haha, whatt? it came out.. by accident. :/

so, yess, funny day. Had lunch with the girls - ACMJEQ at solaris dutamas later on. We kinda just chilled and took alot of photos. I miss having lunch and break with them and crapping about the most random things! ): But, we're all having fun in our colleges! so, that's a good thing, no?

EEEE. it's 11! And i've got college tmrw. CRAPP. im gonna watch how i met your mother and fall asleep :D

peace out (:

Happy happyyyy :D

I GOT IT.

I'M THE NEW PRESIDENT OF THE TAYLORS MUSIC CLUB :D

Well, its been such a hectic month for me. Haha, Parties and studies are endless when you get to college. Good to know that part was true :P The parties are CRAZYY. we recently just had SAM FIESTA night and damn the crowds went wild when TDC rocked the stage! EVERYONE was freaking AWESOMEE :D

I love TDC to bits. We're like a giant family even in our first few months!

Different backgrounds but dance really brought us all together.

I'm gonna make music club like this too. By the end of semesters exam, we're all gonna be ONE BIG FAMILY singing the BARNEY SONG! the one that goess,

" i love youuuuu,

you love meee,

we are happy familyy (:

..."

peace out yo (:

love.

I always forget to tell you I love you.

Seriously,
I don't get it.

Why do you matter so much to me?

I feel so used. You call me whenever you feel like it. and I'm just always telling myself that the next time you apologise, I'm not gonna give a damn. But, everytime i hear your sweet voice, I just can't let you go. and i hate it, really, I DO.

Why is it that you're the one that makes me feel this way. Why can't I, just for once, pick the guy that will end up wanting me more than I want him? I dont know. You'd tell me every time we talk that you miss me, but, do you really? I doubt so. They're just words to you. But, somehow, I always choose to believe you in the end. That sucks.

Funny thing is you're not the only one who's been texting and calling. i'll tell you this though, i'd let them all go for you. But, it's not like it matters anymore. Whatever.

Time to move on.

Again.

I've been doing this a little too often.

OH DEAR GOD,

Please just let me meet a boy who will love me for who I am and be there for me whenever I need him. One who will call me in the middle of the day just to tell me he misses me. One who doesn't make me wait all night for a text. One who will try to make me smile even when he's having a bad day. One who is different from the rest. I've met enough of jerks to last a lifetime. So, please, I just need to finally meet a guy who will take good care of my heart instead of break it.

I just want to love again.

Love all,

trust a few.

Imy.

Well, I've had an awesome week (: College is really a hell of a ride. :D And, im loving it! HAHA. I thought it started out pretty bad, but now, it's just getting better everyday. (:

Even so, i can't say the same for my love life. oh god. I dont know, the one time I pick a guy to stick to, it just..doesn't turn out good. You see why I dont even just stick to ONE guy? I'll tell you why, because

they always leave,
sooner or later.

Today during moral class, our teacher told us to write down our problem on a piece of paper. My problem?

Justin Bieber's new haircut.

No more hair flips. ): I heard he lost about 80,000 twitter fans after his haircut. DAMN MAN, that's just SAD.

I've just finished writing my resume for the music club just now. HOPE AND PRAY THAT I GET THE POST. (: *crosses fingers* but, i'll have to go through interview first. :/ Oh god. that's gonna be terrifying. Hmm, i hope it doesn't go as bad as the last time I had an interview.\

I'm off to bed now. (:

Somehow, i can't find the strength to let go of you.

This can't be goodbye.

Flying without wings.

BFF's forever and always

ill be there as long as you need me there

We have been through heaven and hell

but, i know that nothing will ever break us apart

You know that,

ill be there to wipe your tears off your face

ill never walk away

cause you were there,

when i needed someone to hear me out

you always stuck around

so i just wanted to say,

happy birthday to you,may all your wishes come true,

words cant describe what i feel about you,

happy birthday to you,

happy birthday to you.

i've got no doubt

that you mean the world to me,

so, promise me this

that no matter where life takes us

remember that you'll always have me

That's the song that i wrote for my BEST friend yesterday night. She had her 18th bday bash and DAMN, was it funnn! We rocked the dance floor..Well, mainly, just me. Let's just say, i was so high that people were asking how many glasses i've had. :/

WELL, CALebration was one heck of a party on friday!! :DDD I had so much fun! TDC WAS AWESOME, and everyone was just enjoying every single second of ittt (:

Well, My cousins came over today for lunch, we played taboo, talked, went out to watch burlesque, WHICH BY THE WAY IS PRETTY DARN AWESOME SHOW, and dinner after that. They just left and i havent touched a single hw. :/ BUT, WHATEVER. :D

anyways, peace out (: I BELIEVE THAT 2011's gonna be one heck of a year (;

jo

Be my valentine? (;

Yesterday's Valentine was ALMOST perfect. (: I really had a great time yesterday. Anyways, sorry for the late wish, but,

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY TO ALL :D

go spread the love!

Love,

I dont need those things,
i dont need no ring,
i dont need anything,

But you with me,

cause in your company,

i feel happy, oh so happy and complete.

(:

what hurts the most.

I don't need anymore broken heart

I'm tired of waiting for life to start

i just need a place to land

I wanna find myself again

Ready set I'm pushing through the door

Running faster than I ever have before

So take this as my final stand

Come on catch me if you can

well, i found out something today. and it really hurt. :/ I mean, it was what i least expected, you could say. I really, somehow, thought you wouldn't be another one of those asses who'd break my heart. But, it's safe to say, i was SO wrong.

You can't blame me for being who i am now cause YOU were the whole reason i ever became like this. You're the reason why i'm so scared of committing to just one guy. I can't do that. You were supposed to prove to me that not all guys are JERKS. but, apparently, you ended up being the guy who proved me right instead.

It sucks to know that there are no decent guys in this world that are actually like those in the movies. How they'd do anything and everything to get you and show everyone that you're the one. They'd go out of their way to ask you out on a date and make sure that they'll never have to see a single tear fall from your face. It sucks that there isn't anymore guys who would actually fight for you when everyone is dissing you, stand up for you just to prove everyone else wrong. And it sucks the most to find that there isn't a decent guy out there who wouldnt ever hurt you.

I've lost faith in guys. really. Can't a guy please prove to me that not all guys are like these jerks i've met so far? :/

Idk. Maybe one day, i'll meet that someone. but, till then, my heart's gonna be locked up in a very safe place. Like my godbrother tells me

Just treat love as a game and you'll never loose. (:

sometimes, I just wish i was a kid again.

.